The continuation of my previous entry…
As of this moment, I start to feel a bit emotional at times, and raging at myself. Depending at other people a bit too much. Its true that no man is an island, but the way i see it now, i have been depending on others too much to gather my own confidence. Its just not quite right, when you think of it.
I was having lunch today and my 2 other friends was eating with me, nonetheless, they give their view about the current situation and more about myself in general.
He said, ‘ I see you more as a myriad of parts you gathered from other people, so malleable in fact that you lack your own very identity, the person we can call aries”. A lot of teenagers suffer from what we call as identity crisis and most of them solved their own problem by the time they reach 20 years old. That is not far from now, about 6 months. As he said these very words, i realized that he was right. (this in truth is also some kind of identity crisis in its own right already, but honestly enough, its the partial truth)
Im easily influenced by what others say, how other people act and how i should react to certain person. Thats why generally, i talk in slightly differing manner from one person to another. To a certain extent that makes me more sociable as i adapt to the another person way of communicating, and yet , that as he said, make me lose my own identity in the process. One example that he put forth was that, if i ever was put to some other places and make some new friends for 2 weeks, i would come back being a different person, talking a different way, and the thing that is recognizable about me is probably my face but nothing much else. And as always, i will have to think about this very carefully, its not an easy matter to resolve, one within your own that is.
As i ponder about this, those who may feel the same way, ponder on your own. I hope that i may one day find my own identity.Yet i fear, that very identity is the same one that i lost when i came to Australia.