This is my first christmas i spent in Australia, despite having practically lived here for the last 4 years of my life. I half expect to feel something different this christmas in melbourne, a western country, with what childhood i spent watching christmas shows on television with extravagant decoration for christmas, snow covered cities, and perhaps a little love in the air alongside carol singers. The snow is a moot in Australia, and i obviously knew that, but hmm, the rest ……. lets see, the decoration arent even on par to some asian cities like hongkong and japan, but perhaps the recession has had a hand in this, romantics hmm, there isnt so much as romantics as much as there are tourists.
But apart from that, christmas this time feels different, because i think this is the first christmas ever that i felt rather sad, and the fact that i shouldnt be. In the second half of this year, i did lose someone very dear to my heart, and only today was i able to regain my foothold, and perhaps regain my faith in Christ. I loved her very much, despite some of the times that i felt rather sad because of how it ends so abruptly, and how i have not been able to see her since 6 months ago, i still do. These last 3 months, i have been struggling to try to accept the fact that i might lose her forever, with no chance of coming back. Quite a lot of people i think, would think im foolish to keep hoping in someone who broke my heart a few times, whatever the reason might be, but to be honest, the few months i spent with her, i have never been happier.
For the better part of my life, i have always had a travelling heart, i loved to see new places, try out new restaurants, laze around looking at scenery, but i found that the lot of them are better seen with someone you love, and when i met her, this is what i did. Looking back i never regret any, i loved to share all the secret i kept up all these years for someone and i enjoyed it, and then more. I used to think the idea of a date to the museum would make most girls raise an eyebrow, but this wasnt an issue with her, in which i was rather delighted. Discussing which of her qualities i really like would take plenty of time, but i would say shes the most versatile girl i met. She cooks well, gentle and passionate at most times, cheeky when the occasion arises, adventurous, share my passion for gadgetry and fast cars, can hold her liquor, drive madly on highway, yet is a deeply religious person, and spend her money wisely, yet doesnt skimp too much, she knows how to dress well, and looks gorgeous with heels. Then i guess, its not a wonder why am i so deeply fixated with her. But everyone is not perfect and perhaps this is why we fail this time. Nevertheless, the sweet memories are something that i find really hard to forget.
These past few days i have a thoughtful look on my face a lot of the times, and only today i found my freedom, that Christmas represents a new hope, in the birth of Christ, a hope in better times, even though putting all my faith in Him after what had happened will be a tremendous challenge. But im somewhat glad, that im finally once again able to stand on my own two feet, sparing some of my friends, my endless tragic and dramatic stories, and replace them with a more positive outlook that i had in me.
This is not the end though, and with the parting words she left me, ‘Maybe when we are finally on the same place, we will try again’, i would wait for her.