2015 – The Year in Review

I can scarcely believe the speed of time when you get older. I began this year returning to the city where people habitually throw the proverbial dice, Jakarta.


And this time i came more than prepared, job in hand – check, community forged – check, place to live – check, projects to do and mission to accomplish.

In addition, my parents has generously given me their car for me to use to travel around Jakarta’s notoriously bad (and dangerous) traffic.


The CSM gang

So with that i set off my sights on fortune.

Things went quite well for the first three months or so, my social calendar was filled, my job was where I fit in, analytic and business development.

Then like most things, stuff did not turn out as smoothly as i expected. The place i worked for started moving me around to the next stage in the sales pipeline, from analytic to marketing, and then to sales, then eventually to customer service and battling fires whenever there were one. Throughout all these my compensation did not change one bit, but my roles has been significantly widened to terms that were not in the initial contract. Nevertheless, i soldiered on and climbed a mountain on the side.


Meanwhile, in my personal life, finally things took a turn for the better and I met the girl whom i feel i have a very good connection with. I have lots of hope for the future, and we started our relationship around mid-year.

I wished i have the dual fortune to succeed straight away in work and relationship in the same year, as that would have been great, but the customer service work was too much for me to take, i did not take this job so i could babysit nagging customers for fault that isn’t mine, and as well as collecting late payments from troublesome customers.

Meanwhile, a deal that i was offered last year verbally (but not written) didn’t materialize and for me this was the last straw. I mulled over one and half months before finally deciding it is time for me to resign. I had initially loved the job, but clearly looking at the company stuff turnover was not encouraging, and neither is being somewhat cheated on.

And now in November, i am back again in square one of career, figuring things out from the beginning again. It would probably require a compelling offer from reputable companies to get me to work for someone else again.

Pushed into a corner, with not a lot of money to burn, and a relationship that i will fight to the end to keep, i chose to consolidate my capital and restart anew. The positive thing i got from all this ordeal is that i’m lucky that i made these kind of mistakes and learnt these kind of things (including being featured in a major newspaper) when i’m still at the age of 27. Had i been older, the cost would have been significantly higher. Well, this is Jakarta anyway. Survival of the fittest here.

In between my resignation and the resumption of my search for a business to do, i had the fortune to travel with some of my old friends to Taiwan, and it was good. Dined, traveled till our legs could carry us no more, and chat till the wee hours.


Super awesome roasted pepper bun (I ate four in two days!!)


Yeh, it was a good break from a tough life.

But now its time to begin again. I hoped the preparations for 2016 will be well underway when the year turned. It could turn out well, it could turn out not so well, but either way, 2016 is here, and i have to be ready.

I hope God will give me wisdom for me decide which path i should take, it has been a long way from home.

Goodbye 2015, it has been good knowing you

With much faith, hope and love




Seeking Myself


After watching the really great film Winter Sleep, i somehow imagine myself in the shoes of Mr. Aydin, former theater actor of 25 years, who now own a small hotel in Anatolia, Turkey.

Though having the appearance of an old man, inside, he was still struggling to deal with settling back into his apparently much lesser life. His constant struggle to find new things to do, a sister who herself lived through a divorce and a young wife, idealistic but naive.

I reflected at myself, long after the credits roll were finished, that I at some points are seeking the remnants of my former glory. Although I am only 27, I knew and remembered I once had it all. I was doing very well at uni, i was well-respected by both teachers and fellow students alike, I had a girlfriend once, and I was living in Melbourne, the city that until now i still misses.

It is truly one of life great mysteries, how wheel of life keep turning, once you are on top, now you are at the bottom, struggling to make your way up to the top again.

Beyond that, I longed for a partner, who would understand me, and connect with me on a level i have not had since, and due to a mix of semi-permanent stubborness, and a foolish desire for the occasional rare comets, i am still a single. Drifting in and out of social events soon grew tiring.

May God and I, have mercy on myself. Give yourself a chance man. You can do better than sitting on a balcony watching the moon came in and out behind the cover of cloudy skies and darkness. Find yourself a girl who will sit with you, who will offer her lap for you to rest your weary head and heavy shoulders.

From Me to Myself


We Got Married…and Relationship

wgm adam couple

Recently my sister came back for her university vacation bringing me tons ( or GBs) full of fresh goodies to watch and amongst them was this show called we got married. Some of you might know just by looking at the picture above, of the Adam couple and instantly have a reminisce the feeling when watching them together on the show.

I am fully aware that it is a reality show and a virtual couple, but i would assume that something else was happening, where the lines between virtual and reality somehow become blurred and they were sort of feeling like the actor in the Avatar movie.

For somebody like myself who have loved and lost, it is truly endearing and refreshing to see a couple who just only begins their first relationship. It was so fresh, so new, everything was like achieving a significant milestones and I am reminded that I was once like that too. I was once a young man learning the ropes of a relationship, learning more about the other person and being accomodating. Relationship is definitely not an easy thing to do, it gives you a myriad of unexplainable feeling. Sometimes you feel so happy that everything you do turns out absolutely perfect. But at other times, it leaves you wondering why do you even bother with one at all.

There was a point in time where i felt dismayed and discouraged after a failed relationship that i wonder when would i be able to open my heart again, to try again. Its a feeling i dread just thinking about, the prospect of having another broken heart. It has been close to two year now since my last relationship and i am still sitting on the sidelines watching friends after friends getting married and starting a new family of their own. It doesn’t particularly bother me that they did, its just some people have already found their other half and I have not.

It was only when I start watching this show again recently that I felt a sense of joy i haven’t felt in a long time, the feeling of making somebody else so happy it brought tears down their cheek. The feeling of being dependable for somebody else to rely on, and doing the things you would never do on your own. Its a crazy world, relationship. And although i still have fear about approaching a new relationship, i think i am encouraged and reminded of just how much joy it can bring and that is what i shall kept in my mind for this new year.

I hope out there that God above would help me find my final missing puzzle.


with much faith, hope and love



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